Monthly Archives: November 2003

Parents evening

OK, I really did know who I was talking about most of the time, but honestly, does a parent really expect me to know their child when they are quiet, I have seen them for about 8 hours over the last 3 months and I teach another 550 kids?

I blagged it – with moderate success.

I often think the parents must go home saying to their dear child – “I don’t know why you say that teacher is miserable, she was smiling her socks off when I saw her.”

Threshold – warning – rant

This is something that the Government decided is a really good idea – it gives teachers more money, it will shut them up.

Basically when you have been teaching for a while you get to show that you know your arse from your elbow – school wise. Now, here’s the thing – I do know my arse from my elbow, and not just schoolwise I might add, however, trying to prove it all in written form with evidence of things that really, as a teacher you just do – automatically – it doesn’t require you to think “right, must make a note of exactly how I am going to ensure that my little darlings get on with the work” – you just sort it out and do it. Or when you give a colleague some help over things, or work as a group on stuff you want to talk about, you don’t write down every bloody conversation, you just do it, because you’re a teacher and can do your job as it should be done.

My aim is teaching and the shit that goes with that, not the shit that goes with proving I can teach to some idiot who hasn’t got a clue what I have to do every bloody day, never mind proving that I do this stuff, every bloody day.

Annoyed? Yes. Oh, and I probably won’t get through because I don’t have enough time to collect all the data (I got the deadline wrong – my fault I know – but I have been sorting out 300 plus reports as well as writing 125 of my own – because I am a teacher and can do my job).

Things I would love to write on reports and can’t

I am in the process of report writing at the moment and for tutor reports one of my standard comments is based on a student being pleasant, smartly dressed, punctual and having a positive attitude. This becomes difficult when the person in question grunts when you speak to them, looks worse than Worzel Gummidge, doesn’t even know what time school starts never mind arriving at the required time and the main ambition they have is to wind up teachers. I am meant to write positive things and set targets. Targets is easy of course…

Anyway, here are somethings it would be nice to be able to write-

1. Since my last report, this student has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. This student should not be allowed to breed.

3. This student has delusions of adequacy.

4. This student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

5. This student has misplaced his braincell.

6. If this student was any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

(Sort of borrowed – with changes)

Reporting back

Emmylou was very good indeed but, as some other randomer mentioned, the seats were the most uncomfortable thing you could ever have to endure (I hope). Do not ever book Upper Circle in Bristol Hippodrome – ever – really – ever.

Rabbits

I wonder if you are aware that Orthodox Synagogues do not allow female rabbits? Of course the relief is that Reform Synagogues do allow female rabbits – otherwise there might not be any more rabbits.